Roundup: Top 11 “Florida man” encounters with the law

By KevinMarcilliat, In Criminal Defense, 0 Comments
Spend any amount of time on the internet, and you’re bound to come across the infamous “Florida Man.” He’s usually drunk or high (or both). He makes clickbait headlines around the world with his laughable missteps and bizarre behavior. And he is, inevitably, in Florida.

Here are 11 of his recent noteworthy encounters with the law.

1. Desperate to get criminal charges dropped?

Apparently too cheap to hire an attorney, this Florida man impersonated a prosecutor, using a fake account to file a court document online that purported to drop the charges against him (which involved blackmailing a Chevy dealer). Prosecutors quickly caught on and not only reinstated the original charges but also tacked on seven more felonies. Nice try, Florida man.

2. But he was hungry

This Florida man narrowly avoided charges after eating a $150,000 piece of modern art: a banana taped to a wall. The man, who proclaimed his stunt an “art performance” by a “hungry artist,” peeled and ate the banana before a crowd of shocked onlookers. The piece had already been sold to a collector. Fortunately, the banana was soon replaced with a fresh specimen.

3. Maybe don’t label your drugs

Two Florida men were busted during a traffic stop with large quantities of narcotics. Police found the contraband in packages conveniently labeled “Bag Full Of Drugs.” Not much guesswork there.

4. He didn’t make it far

Three days after getting arrested for attempted car theft, this Florida man was released on bail. He made it as far as the jail parking lot. After attempting to steal another vehicle (that happened to be occupied by an off-duty deputy), the man was marched straight back into prison for a new set of attempted car-theft charges.

5. An interesting choice of sparring partners

An amateur MMA fighter, this Florida man decided to spar with some unlikely (an involuntary) victims: waterfowl at an Orlando park. The man unleashed his moves on several swans and a duck. He was arrested and charged with cruelty to animals.

6. Unlicensed (and unclothed) contracting

In the criminal justice system, unlicensed contracting doesn’t seem particularly heinous. Yet that didn’t stop the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office from forming an elite squad dedicated to bringing unauthorized repairmen, house-painters, and floor-layers to justice.

One of the more high-profile figures caught up in their sting operation? A Craigslist advertiser who billed himself as “The Topless Handyman.”

7. Who can blame him?

A Florida college student was arrested for tweeting a threat to kill one of his professors. The reason? The professor had scheduled an exam for 7 a.m.

The student claimed his threat wasn’t in earnest. Night owls everywhere can relate.

8. The firearm and drug-offense multipack

Frustrated by a traffic backup surrounding an accident, this Florida man started honking his horn and yelling at the police officers on the scene. They could smell marijuana and searched his vehicle. Inside they found a treasure trove of contraband. The haul included an AR-15, an AK 47 (both with plenty of ammo), 334 grams of marijuana, a loaded pistol, four handguns, $10,400 in cash, cocaine, methamphetamine, Xanax, Oxycodone, a stun gun, a collapsible baton, and pepper spray.

9. It could have been grosser

This Florida inmate got caught smuggling contraband into prison: specifically, a 2.7-gram baggie of meth wedged deep in his belly button. At 5′ 8″ and 380 pounds, the man was originally arrested for possessing a loaded drug needle. Good thing he didn’t try to hide that in his belly button.

10. After robbing a bank, what would you do?

Forget buying a yacht or Lamborghini. This Florida man decided to run down the street naked, flinging the stolen cash into the air. He thought the stunt would help him gain notoriety as a comedian. Perhaps now he can test out his jokes on prison guards.

11. The power of pizza

This Florida man got into a 4-hour standoff with police, barricading himself in his Pensacola home and threatening suicide because he didn’t want to go back to prison. The SWAT team finally lured him out with a pizza delivery. (Apparently, the prospect of prison isn’t as tough to swallow on a full stomach.)

In true Florida-man fashion, his backstory is just as bizarre as the standoff. The man had previously held a knife to the throat of his stepmother, threatened to unleash his “Nazi prison associates” on family members, and sent them a menacing text with the Coldplay lyrics “Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.”